No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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