i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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