I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
