It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You are the jesus of drinking
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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