There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
