Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
