maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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