Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
