Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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