Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
