He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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