i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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