I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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