I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
