what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
