i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
either way he was missing a nipple.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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