Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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