Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
