so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
