If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
