pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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