The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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