Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
