I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
