I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Randomize