Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
