well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize