The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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