In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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