And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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