New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
