GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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