You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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