if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
People in love make me want to vomit
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So much rum. So many feels.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
