The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
two words...techno handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
