i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
