I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
