You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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