I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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