Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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