Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
