Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
