Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
