I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
