i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
