i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
