I got chris browned last night
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
