now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
