haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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