I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
