5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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