How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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