the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
