3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I deserve this hangover.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
