We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
