Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
