found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
