the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
