I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
