Christians are straight up FREAKS
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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