You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
