3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize