When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
