Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
