i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
